Yesterdays Old News

Yesterday made me see that I have to change. Felt like it was the usual same shit different day. Rethought things a bit too much - I tend to do that. I got angry. I regretted it. I got angry again, & it's the same whole bloody circle all over again.

Yet, I don't know why I do it. I wasn't always this way. I'm only human, so naturally I did have my good and bad days, but it's got worse, and I'm not entirely sure what the reason for that is. The saying that you hurt the ones you love the most is completely, 100% true. I hate myself for it.

I said horrible things. I didn't give any consideration to anyone but myself and I'm disgusted with myself. The worst part is that I can say sorry, but I can never, ever take it back. I hurt him, and he's the only one who sticks by me. He listens to my rants, looks after me, always considers me, is basically just always there for me, yet I treated him like shit :|

I wish I could talk to him about what really bothers me inside, but it's not really the kind of thing I want to share with people I know, and I don't want counseling, so I guess this blog is going to be my daily record of everything that I do each day. But mainly, how I feel, & how I treat others.

I need to keep this record for myself. I need to see whether I'm making progress, and to just write down all my anger, all my stress, and basically just get it all out onto this page. Don't worry, it won't always be depressing.

Today was easier. I guess that's all I gotta say right now.

Ta ta for now!