God's Love

You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book.
Psalm 139:15-16

x

Nanny's Poem

A poem that my Nanny's friend sent to my mum after my Nanny had died, & I thought it a good idea to put it on here just as a reminder for myself.

Merry Christmas From Heaven

I still here the songs
I still see the lights
I still feel your love
on cold wintery nights

I still share your hopes
and all of your cares
I'll even remind you
to please say your prayers

I just want to tell you
you still make me proud
You stand head and shoulders
above all the crowd

Keep trying each moment
to stay in His grace
I came here before you
to help set your place

You don't have to be
perfect all of the time
He forgives you the slip
If you continue the climb

To my family and friends
please be thankful today
I'm still close beside you
In a new special way

I love you all dearly
now don't shed a tear
Cause I'm spending my
Christmas with Jesus this year

10 silly/weird facts about meee xD

Thought I would put some bits n' bobs about me in a post...just for funs ^^ not that any of you are interested :P

1. I have one leg a bit shorter than the other...which makes me have a sort of waddle LOLLL

2. My main nickname is midget (I'm 5 foot :P) even my friends mum calls me it xD

3. I always make to-do lists with intentions of completing...and never actually do them! -.-

4. I'm shy, but if you talk to me more I don't shut up xD

5. I'm so overly-sensitive :/ One silly comment can turn my day upside down :(

6. I have low self-confidence. I worry what people think of me.

7. I'm not good at following God. Actually, I try...but im pretty rubbish at it :/

8. I wish my Eczema would go away! -.-

9. I miss my childhood...we always had so many people over at our house, now we never do :/

10. I have sorta sticky out ears xD LOL

There's actually a lot more but I can't think right now. I just want yous to know me a bit more ^^ will blog them all another time :P

xo

I wish things were a little bit easier

Will I ever have a friendship where I can be completely 100% me? I'm sick of making friends with people who just act like they're friends with me half of the time, or just strange people in general that can't make up their minds. I want to be able to trust someone :/

:/

I feel like I need to post another blog before I leave. I'm not really looking forward to college anymore. I feel like I'm back at school again. Not knowing whether my class is going to be full of class A asses like there have been before. I don't like the place where I'm going to college. I used to love where I lived; I considered it home. But now that I've moved away, I've realised how horrible it is, just because of some of the people in it, and I just hope I'm going to meet some of the nice ones, because I don't think I can handle 12 weeks of hating it.

I always get like this when I'm going somewhere like college or work. Maybe it's the dark mornings that depress me. I don't really know how to feel at the moment. & I miss him which doesn't help :/ but as long as he knows I love him, things might be okay. I hope I can stick this out & do something really great. So....wish me luck *sigh*

Love xo

P.S. Happy Valentines Day! :)

Wow...Thanks very much :/

It's funny how something someone says can bring your mood right down :| Starting my course tomorrow, and brother made it clear that he doesn't want to sit beside me on the train, but tried to make it sound like that wasn't what he was saying. It definitely was :/ 

I don't care if I have to get the train on my own, I get the train all the time on my own and he only goes one day a week, but it's the fact he mentioned it. ARGH :( what the hell is so wrong with me?

Making progress

Ok so I haven't blogged in a few days, so I think a bit of an update is called for ^^
 
I've actually had a good few days emotional-wise. I've only got angry once since I lasted blogged, which was today, but I think I'd call it more stressed out rather than angry...so I think I've started to make a bit of progress. It used to be every day that I got angry.

It could be the fact that I have to go home from Monday to Friday and not see him until Friday again, so I wanted to make the most out of seeing him, so I felt a bit more relaxed. I didn't want to go home and regret striking out with something that has just peeved me off. I know now that I'm able to keep my cool ^^  

I just have to plan things ahead and stop stressing over things that, if I think about it, really do not matter. I have my family, my friends, & my boyfriend, and to be honest that's all I really need. I just have to make a little mental note to myself: my world isn't going to fall apart if I can't find something, or if I burn the dinner, or something meaningless than that.

I'm going to try harder, and keeping trying ^^ As my boyfriend said: "Rome wasn't built in a day." I'm going to rebuild my life :) 

So yup,  tomorrow may help; I'm starting a 12 week course to get me back to work, and I'm kinda excited about it. Fingers crossed I like it! Although I don't know how I'm going to get up at 7am tomorrow xD

Valentines day tomorrow....I'm a little sad I can't spend it with my boyfriend, but I made him Valentines day buns on Friday xD and they were actually nice for once :D. I will post a picture of them in another post ^^ (I can't be bothered going downstairs to get the lead to plug in my phone into my laptop to transfer the picture on :P) I've also left him a card on the mantelpiece which I don't think he's noticed so will be nice to let him know it's there in the morning ^^

I also want to mention something else that's made me re-think my outlook on my life & life in general. I'm currently watching a programmed called "Katie - My Beautiful Face" who got attacked when somebody threw acid in her face, and ruined her life. She was able to come on tv and let there be a documentary on her, which I think was very brave. I have eczema & I'm always complaining and self conscious when I have a flare up on my face, so next time that happens, I'm going to try and go outside without wondering what people think of how I look, because I could have it so much worse.

Right...I think I've rambled on enough so I'll post again as soon as I can ^^

Love xo

Inspiration

"Be mindful of each moment in your day. SLOW DOWN! Your journey is not only about arriving at your destination. The Journey is the journey. The end is not the journey.The destination will be what it will be, but did you enjoy the way?"

Yesterdays Old News

Yesterday made me see that I have to change. Felt like it was the usual same shit different day. Rethought things a bit too much - I tend to do that. I got angry. I regretted it. I got angry again, & it's the same whole bloody circle all over again.

Yet, I don't know why I do it. I wasn't always this way. I'm only human, so naturally I did have my good and bad days, but it's got worse, and I'm not entirely sure what the reason for that is. The saying that you hurt the ones you love the most is completely, 100% true. I hate myself for it.

I said horrible things. I didn't give any consideration to anyone but myself and I'm disgusted with myself. The worst part is that I can say sorry, but I can never, ever take it back. I hurt him, and he's the only one who sticks by me. He listens to my rants, looks after me, always considers me, is basically just always there for me, yet I treated him like shit :|

I wish I could talk to him about what really bothers me inside, but it's not really the kind of thing I want to share with people I know, and I don't want counseling, so I guess this blog is going to be my daily record of everything that I do each day. But mainly, how I feel, & how I treat others.

I need to keep this record for myself. I need to see whether I'm making progress, and to just write down all my anger, all my stress, and basically just get it all out onto this page. Don't worry, it won't always be depressing.

Today was easier. I guess that's all I gotta say right now.

Ta ta for now!